So, here's the story. A month ago I got hit in the head with a field hockey ball (off of someone's stick) at a home game. The next day I had a severe headache and I assumed my head just hurt because I got hit the previous day! I went to the nurse, got dismissed, and went home. The following day, I woke up with a migraine (I woke up unable to see about forty five percent of what was in front of me). Once the visual disturbances (indeed) wore off, I drove to school and as soon as I got there the headache came down on me worse than ever before. These same migraines continued through the next week. After that week they finally stopped and were replaced by less painful but equally bothersome headaches that would continue until, well, only God knows when!

My trainer and coach thought it was a concussion, so I was out of field hockey for the remainder of the season (which officially ended a month later... yesterday). My mother, father, and doctor thought otherwise. They all thought that it couldn't be a concussion. My doctor said if it were a concussion I would have difficulty with cognitive processes like concentrating, focusing, clear speech, and balance. Well, I was speaking quite clearly and the only trouble I had focusing was when I had a lot on my mind.

Then he decided I was suffering from chronic headaches or migraines; great. At this point I didn't care if it were migraines/headaches, a concussion, or a deadly disease that was taking over my mind. I couldn't care less; I just wanted the pain to go away.

Despite my severe headaches, the week (3rd week) before we finally visited the doctor, I was extremely productive with my art. I had previously experienced a lot of artist's block, laziness, and just plain not wanting to do the project. I had trouble finishing my still life and the subject matter it would include. Although, when that third week rolled around. I dug into it. I drove myself to the grocery store at an unearthly hour and brought back two tomatoes differing slightly in size, six or seven grape tomatoes, and two candy bars (for my pleasure)

I finished the black and white, and a reasonable about of the colored version of my still life, until I brought it to school the next day. The lighting was (obviously) completely different in school and I had the worst day trying to adapt to that. One day later my art teacher wasn't in school, no one was bothering me or doing art projects around my still life, and I banged out that purple-shadowed tomato still life! (wooooo!) It's sad I'm just proud of the fact that I finished something for once... D: hahaha.

Oh God, I need to finish the story. Well, the next week was... far less productive. As aforementioned I went to the doctor and he diagnosed me with anxiety, and I just wanted the paint to go away. I had also had trouble sleeping every night so he gave me a subscription for Anitriptyline. He told me it would help me sleep and cope with the headaches.

After a day or two it started to kick in, but not the way I thought it would. I still had headaches, I still had trouble sleeping; the only thing I began to notice was the fact that I was completely focused on my work! On the fourth day I had a panic attack in my 3D animation class. I walked (nearly ran) to the nurse, not knowing what was happening. I had never had one before and the right side of my head felt numb and swollen and I thought there was something severely wrong with me. That day I realized something extremely scary. Since I started taking that medicine, I didn't want to draw. I didn't want to look at art. I just wanted to do my work and focus... I was a robot.

I went home and begged my parents to let me not take that Devil's Medicine. My mom told me she looked it up and it was commonly used for anti-depression! She had told me that she has panic attacks all the time and they once put her on similar medicine that made her feel like a robot. She (like myself) would normally have ups and downs of being happy, and the medicine left her indifferent. I was horrified because that was happening to me. I finally didn't take a dose friday (last night) and that's why I'm writing this, this morning. Just to let everyone (most likely the three people that might watch me, HA!) that the potential concussion/headaches/anxiety/depression, and God knows what else, is the reason that I haven't been active on deviantart.

So, once we get back to school wednesday (it's a four day weekend and I'm getting my MRI tomorrow), I will grab my still life(s) and upload them. I'll try to get back into the swing of things again

That's all for now! Thanks for reading!!
-Carly